My Religion, Continued

In Religion on September 7, 2008 at 2:09 pm

I feel stuck at a crossroads, as if I can’t get where I want to go because I keep putting off choosing a direction. I know that I don’t want to go down the path to unbelief. I can’t. Because I do believe. But I have a lot of questions and doubts, too. And I have my pride. I couldn’t go to someone like Martha and ask her to pray for me that I would choose the right path. I want to find my own way. I want to pray my own prayers. Is that wrong of me?

It does sound kind of prideful. It’s a matter of surrender, I think. I don’t want these “other” Christians to feel superior to me, and I know that they do. Just because they cling to their church and their prescribed set of beliefs whereas I’m willing to go out in the world and take what comes. And I want to think for myself. Can’t you do that and have the mind of Christ as well? Where in the Bible does it say that you have to stop thinking for yourself?

But I have to ask myself: is one reason I don’t have passion in my life because I’ve given up on that passion for Christ that I once had? Would I have avoided the mistakes that I’ve made if I’d stayed in the church and faithful to my beliefs? And am I having trouble changing myself because I’m not allowing Christ to do it for me?

I do feel like I did in the days before I accepted Christ as my savior and God as personal. Like I’m refusing to surrender, but I know that inevitably I have will have to. But what am I surrendering to? Or who? I’ve already become a Christian. Aren’t I still? Isn’t what in your heart what really matters? Or do you have to make a big deal of being Christian? Would I impress people if I went to church? And what about my desire to become Catholic? Is that just a bunch of hooey? An avoidance technique?

  1. Wow…you have a bunch of questions. One thing about questions is that they normally tend to have answers.

    I know you don’t know me and I’m an “outsider” to what you’re going through, but if you’d like, I’d like to be of some help to you with your questions and things. Please click on my blog to see a bit of who I am, and if you want to, I’ll do my best in trying to navigate with you through some or all of this.

    Lord bless.

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